Rain.

I am so sad. I'm trying so many ways NOT to be sad...started back to church, trying to reconnect with friends, excercising(ok that's sporadic - who are we kidding), staying away from people who just make me upset (also way too sporadic)..and nothing works.
I'm not a drama queen. I don't live for drama. I don't like to be the center of attention.
I pray every day to figure out a way to change things. What can I do to help my family? What more can I do? there has to be something I can do. I know there is a way.

And again today, I get the news (which I already pretty much knew - but hate to be reminded about) that our van will probably be picked up around the 18th. by the 15th we will be 300 bucks in the hole even with my check.

So I am sitting at my desk, fighting the tears that no 40 year old should cry (what a child, how humiliating), and contemplating texting that one friend that will just aggravate me in the end.
It's a temporary soothe. By tonight I will be crying again in the arms of the person who truly loves me.